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| Doing homework in the computer lab now. This quote has been on my mind as of late:
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can
satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another
world."
-C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
School's tough, classmates are nice. We hang out a lot and have fun. But, there is more to life than fun; there is purpose and hope. 
Okay, back to hw! 
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| Light shines brighter in the darkness,
so long as it is not overwhelmed and consumed first.
The only way it stays bright is if its source is The Light.
To be in it but not of it. hmm....
We are made for a different world.
Hwaiting!
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| Can't sleep; sleeping pattern is off from school stuff. Just pondering. About life, future, truth, God. Love.
God's been pushing me these past couple weeks; in schoolwork, relationships with people, and my relationship with Him. During this time, I've been going through a trial. Ravi Zacharias says that trials are not for God to examine our hearts, but they are for revealing our hearts to ourselves. Makes sense; He already knows us, and it is when the rubber meets the road that our true character is revealed.
During this time, a series of events occurred that seemed to contradict some promises God had given me. This led to two options: either I heard His promises wrong or God is a liar.
The first is a tough one because it is not difficult to hear Him incorrectly. But, when going back through my journals, I confirmed that He spoke the same promise on multiple occasions in ways that can not be mistaken. The latter option is canceled out because God does not lie. So which is it?
I checked and double-checked the first option, to no avail. This then led to wondering about the second: why God would say a promise that He would not keep? Does this mean that God lied? But God does not lie. Then, perhaps, God meant well, but could not keep His promise? This implies that our God is not sovereign, that He is not Almighty. And if God is not Almighty, then would He really be God?
My foundations were shaken. So I asked Him, Who are You? Did You mean what You said? Do You lie? Did I really hear You? Do You love me?
It says somewhere in Psalms that God is strong and loving. This has to be true because if He is one but not the other, then He is not the God I believe He is. Without love, there is no relationship. Without strength, He can not support the relationship.
I asked Him my questions, and He answered with silence. Listening, seeking. No voice.
I looked to His Word for answers as well. I knew that my specific promise was not in there, but there was nowhere else to go. It turned out to be a journey of chewing and digesting to see if God really is the God He says He is. Did He keep His promise with others in the Bible? How did the people react to situations where it seemed that He negated himself?
Hebrews 11 talks about all those people that believed even though God did not fulfill His promises to them in their lifetimes. My situation was a bit different, as His promise is such that it must occur before I die. So what about people in this situation? God promised David that he would be king. God promised Joseph that he would rule over his brothers. What did they do?
It turns out that both held on and believed despite their circumstances. Both waited--suffered, rather--for over ten years before God fulfilled His promise. But fulfill His promise He did.
So my conclusion came to this: God gave me a promise, and God keeps His promises. My situation is one that makes His promise unfulfillable. Yet, He is still an Almighty God; He has not forgotten me. I am to walk by faith, not by sight.
Be encouraged. It is through the trials that He refines us and makes us into vessels for His use. Does it hurt? Yes! Do I see the end? No! It all boils down to leaving the details to Him. I don't get it, and I definitely do not want to wait over ten years. But if that is His will, so be it. I'm holding on to the promise that His plans are not to harm us but to prosper us, to give us hope and a future. Whatever He's doing, I have to remember that the pain will be worth it.
I can't wait for the pain to end. But, in the meantime, I give thanks that He loves me enough to train me for whatever lies ahead. Praise to Him, for He is good! Amen.
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| sometimes i ask God, "what do You want from me?"
He always responds, "Everything".
~*~*~*~
"You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
You do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise."
-Psalm 51:16-17 | | |
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